you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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