its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
