shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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