how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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