i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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