take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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