Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
