Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
