Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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