I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
