i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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