We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
