Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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