i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
