i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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