i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
