He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
