His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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