I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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