I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
