I cut my penus on the lid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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