I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
