i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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