Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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