I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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