is your mom at the bar?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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