Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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