you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
