I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He passed out mid-signature
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
