I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your tits are I can't wait for
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
