...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
