I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
