I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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