nut hugger
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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