wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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