Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
