idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
