i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
