The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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