Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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