gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
