she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
