Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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