apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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