You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
