Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
