I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
