I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
