we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
