I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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